Bath time.

For millennia, cats have cleaned themselves using only their own tongue. They would wash fastidiously until they had smooth, fluffy fur ready for stroking and loving. In fact, many cats today still use this technique for their daily ablutions.

Silly buggers.

There is a better way. My human is quite particular about my cleanliness, as well she should be. I am a bit of an explorer when it comes to dusty boxes and high shelves. I enjoy peaking into dark places and squeezing myself into small spots. The journeys that I go on often leave my shiny coat dulled by the dusts of adventure. To take my delicate tongue and run it over all of myself would surely be unpleasant. And I should not have to subject myself to such unpleasantness.

Every evening, before bed, my human finds me and carries me to the bathroom where she scrubs me down with a warm, wet washcloth. It's surprisingly soothing, though I do occasionally put up a fuss. For show, you know. It wouldn't do for my human to be thinking that I will placidly be subjected to any whim she may have. Secretly, though, I adore it. It's such a fresh, clean feeling to be washed all over so thoroughly. My tongue never having to be raked across my sullied fur. The taste of my day left on a rag rather than on my palate.

Sometimes, and this is my favourite part, she will pull out a brush and gently remove some excess fur. Kindly sparing me a hair ball or two in addition to the flavour of exploration. It feels so good to have those bristles dragged across my cheekbone that I can't help but emit a grateful purr. I'm not shy to show my delight of this particular task, for it would not pain me to have a good brushing more frequently.

Once I am all scrubbed and clean, there comes the very best part. Treats. Sure I have to give her my paw so that she can "shake it" before she hands me a delicious, crunchy, turkey flavoured morsel, but it pleases her when I do so, and I am simply happy to eat between meals.

So I urge all you cats out there reading today... do not subject yourself to the task of bathing, find a human to do it for you. After all, that's what they're for.